I realized something about myself today. I am screwed up. Of course, I always knew I was a bit screwed up, but it's different than I thought. My life is in a place of transition right now. I am losing my job in 2 weeks, I'm finally moving on from my last relationship, my oldest child gets his driving permit in the morning, and my youngest got her period this week....AAAHHHH!!!! It's kind of a lot, ya know. So I'm in the middle of all this stress and emotional turmoil and all I can think about is getting a tattoo, repiercing my nose, and going skydiving. What...the...fuck? I will say the tattoos I have wanted for about 2 years now but haven't been able to spend the money on it, but the other crap is new. Then I realized, this is how I handle stress. My husband left: tattoo. I come to terms with the end of my marriage: tattoo and 2 piercings. My boyfriend dumps me: tattoo. Seriously, what a loser.
But something else happens too. I have spent my life picking up the pieces of me other people left behind. Pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown at age 10 (thanks mom and dad) and my adult life has left me no stranger to heartache. Anyway, everytime I think I am falling apart I end up pulling myself together and my resolve to be true to myself and pursue the things that make me happy gets stronger. I am slowly finding my place in this world. I am coming to see my value not only as a person, but also as a mother, friend, and woman. I am proud of who I am, loser or not. As a matter of fact, maybe that's what I should write my poem about. What a loser I am. A beautiful loser.
"There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.”
--Washington Irving