Beautiful Loser

I am supposed to be writing poetry right now.  Classes don't officially begin until Monday, but since I just found out I was going to be required to write 12 poems for Poetry Workshop and writing poetry is a gruelling and painful process for me, I wanted to at least get started.  But it always goes this way...I should be writing, but instead I am goofing around on the computer.  I decided to do something somewhat constructive and write on here.  However, I am still stumped on what to write about.....

I realized something about myself today.  I am screwed up.  Of course, I always knew I was a bit screwed up, but it's different than I thought.  My life is in a place of transition right now.  I am losing my job in 2 weeks, I'm finally moving on from my last relationship, my oldest child gets his driving permit in the morning, and my youngest got her period this week....AAAHHHH!!!!  It's kind of a lot, ya know.  So I'm in the middle of all this stress and emotional turmoil and all I can think about is getting a tattoo, repiercing my nose, and going skydiving.  What...the...fuck?  I will say the tattoos I have wanted for about 2 years now but haven't been able to spend the money on it,  but the other crap is new.  Then I realized, this is how I handle stress.  My husband left:  tattoo.  I come to terms with the end of my marriage:   tattoo and 2 piercings.  My boyfriend dumps me:  tattoo.  Seriously, what a loser.

But something else happens too.  I have spent my life picking up the pieces of me other people left behind.  Pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown at age 10 (thanks mom and dad) and my adult life has left me no stranger to heartache.  Anyway, everytime I think I am falling apart I end up pulling myself together and my resolve to be true to myself and pursue the things that make me happy gets stronger.  I am slowly finding my place in this world.  I am coming to see my value not only as a person, but also as a mother, friend, and woman.  I am proud of who I am, loser or not.  As a matter of fact, maybe that's what I should write my poem about.  What a loser I am.  A beautiful loser.

"There is in every true woman's heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.”
--Washington Irving

First Blog Eva!!!

That's right. This is my first blog...ever. I have thought about it plenty, but never took the time to actually do it.  Part of why I never did this before is that I didn't think I had anything to say.  That is just a bunch of b.s.  I have plenty to say.  Plus, I am a writer who has a bad case of writer's block.  I'm hoping to find a cure for that in opening up in the form of blogging.

A good place to start is probably with me.  I am a 35yr old single mom, I will graduate college with a BA in May, and unfortunately, that's about it.  There is more to me than that, but I always just stop there.  Once upon a time I was an interesting person who knew all sorts of things about herself, but I think I may have lost all that. 

I chose the title of my blog because that is how I see myself.  I am not perfect, nor do I seek to be perfect.  Instead, I am trying to accept my imperfections and realize they make me who I am...good, bad, and ugly.  Therefore, I am perfectly imperfect.